vineri, 6 ianuarie 2012

Now what?


I've paid for my own mistakes. I always will. I spent too many nights going insane and too many days pretending I'm Ok- And I hated it so much, I almost killed myself, everyday, out in the streets, until I ended up screaming due to the pain i've caused. But I still couldn't stop, Because what I was feeling was so bad, that I would have rather felt that pain.
I just wanted to feel safe. Talk. Trust someone. In the end, All i had left was letting myself go, while you laughed and passed me by, pointing fingers, eating shit and then throwing it at me, not giving a fuck about anything else but yourselves. One day, While I was draggin my feet through the melting concrete, I realised: IT'S NOT WORTH IT. The punishment, the pain, it was all enough. Enough to wash all the dirt, to stop, enough to live with myself and love myself to be who i really am.
What hurts the most is accepting reality and living in it, even gettin to laugh at it - as long as you give up and stop hoping things will get better. Because they don't. They never do. What hurts even worse is being blind your whole life. So ENJOY the ride.
And in the end I'd like to thank you, for showing me, for the hundreth, and the last time, how bad it turns out when you're trying to do good things for dumb people. You'd rather kill yourself and then go fuck your corpse, than blame me for your own mistakes. Oh, Can't you get over? It's ok, If you hate me so much, why don't you just gtfo of my face?
You don't know me. You don't even know yourselves. I don't need your forgiveness. I got mine.

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